So I got another cell phone. It's about the same size as my Samsung SGH-D820, but without the dust problems.
I was initially very sceptical about getting another motorola considering how much I hated the address book, but they've fixed that in their newer firmware and I don't really have any problems with the rest of their software, so I picked one up after a couple weeks of eBaying.
So far it's pretty nice - I can actually customize pretty much every sound I want (including SMS tones - finally!) and the form factor is pretty similar to the D820. I need to reflash an unbranded firmware to get rid of the T-Mobile stuff, but it's unlocked so I can use it with AT&T. After that I can fix the SMS/MMS/WAP settings and get data flowing again and I should be good to go.